MARIO

Mario — sure, he’s Italian
But he’s richer than a gold-laden galleon

He’s taller than Wilt*
With style to the hilt

And he’s stronger than Patton’s battalion**

The kind of guy people call “neat”
His presence is always a treat

When scheduling parties
Invite the Orsattis

When Mario’s there, it’s complete

Mario — sure, he’s Italian
But that doesn’t mean dilly-dallyin’

He makes the job fun
But he gets the job done —

He’ll pounce like a lightning-struck stallion

He weighs just 120 — in boots
More when attached to some fruits

But one thing is certain:
One place he’s not hurtin’ —

He’s pretty well set at the roots

Along came Leslie Petrick — none sweeter
Mario wanted to meet her

What did he tell her?
How did he sell her?

It must have been marvelous theater***

Off they went, Leslie and Mario
Honeymoon! Heigh-ho-the-derrio!

Then they came back
Alas and alack!

Now there’s Orsatti in stereo!****

He was successful before
But with Leslie he’s started to soar

Now we can guess
His key to success:

“Woo Les’ and accomplish much more”

From before the first fall registration
Till after the spring graduation —

How this man cares
For student affairs

Just one word describes him: sensation

Springtime is when he shines most
Graduation! and Mario’s host

Beneath his direction
The event is perfection

From rehearsal to one final toast

Plans are fulfilled for this planner
In a seemingly effortless manner

From the first curtain call
He’s doing it all —

He leads in the Star-Spangled Banner!

What Registrar elsewhere can claim
To do even half of the same?

He bestows each diploma
With pure-dropping Soma

He deserves every bit of his fame

Mario’s a prize we should keep
Did talent run ever so deep?

Best director, producer,
Best actor — that’s you, sir!

Yours is an Oscar clean sweep

What gifts may time still hold in store?
Undoubtedly glories galore

May the future unfold —
Not his full weight in gold —

But many, many, many times more

* Actually, Mario is somewhat shorter of stature.

** Mario does a legendary parody of George C. Scott’s famous portrayal of a speech by WWII General George Patton at the beginning of the epic 1970 movie Patton.

*** Mario majored in theater at Marquette University.

**** For a number of years Mario was married to Leslie, now Leslie Brooks.