John Hagelin

You may be familiar with the glittering resume: the PhD in physics from Harvard . . . the pioneering research conducted during a year working at CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, one of the world’s largest and most respected scientific research centers, and a subsequent year at the SLAC National Accelerator Laboratory at Stanford . . . his develop­ment of a highly successful grand unified field theory based on the superstring . . . his frequently cited articles articles on electroweak unification, grand unification, supersymmetry and cosmology . . . his being awarded the prestigious Kilby Prize, which recognizes scientists who have made “major contributions to society through their applied research in the fields of science and technology,” and which recognized him as “a scientist in the tradition of Einstein, Jeans, Bohr and Eddington.”

And all of this marked only the first phase of his career.

From Stanford he moved to Maharishi International University, causing consternation among his colleagues: What kind of career move is that? But Dr. Hagelin decided he had more to contribute to the world than the discovery of another subatomic particle.

Working closely with Maharishi, he developed the hypothesis that the unified field, or string field, as described by mathematical physics, is identical with human consciousness in its simplest state. Over the years he has worked out their equivalence in great detail. Of all the scientists who have explored the relation between consciousness and nature, Dr. Hagelin stands at the forefront.

Along the way he ran for President of the United States three times — 1992, 1996, and 2000 — under the banner of the Natural Law Party. He put together a platform of commonsense solutions to our most pressing problems, inspiring millions of people that there are practical, proven ways forward. He would have made an amazing president.

As the President of the David Lynch Foundation, Dr. Hagelin has helped bring the Transcendental Meditation technique to hundreds of thousands of at-risk children, veterans, active-duty servicemen and women, prisoners, Native Americans, and women and girls who have been victims of violence and abuse.

As the head of the Maharishi Foundation in the US, he has seen TM instructions rise to the highest levels in 30 years.

And now he is president of Maharishi International University.

None of this captures the experience of being with him. Though he is totally down to earth, it’s impossible not to feel his enormous intelligence, deep thinking and wisdom. And then there’s his famously irrepressible sense of humor.

DOCTOR J

Introducing our dear Dr. J
Whose birthday we honor today
We sit once gain
With the man among men —
Together we’ve come quite a way

After training at Harvard, CERN, SLAC
He emerged at the head of the pack

His star fairly zooming
A bright future looming —

And then? He appeared to jump track!

What this man opted for next
Left his colleagues a little perplexed

He chose MIU —
MIU who?

But his muscles had scarcely been flexed

His star kept on rising and rising
As his colleagues were soon realizing —

In physics, this chap
Put this place on the map —

Knowing him, this was hardly surprising

Dr. J brought us N = 8
We said to ourselves, “This is great! —

Supergravity’s here
The end of physics is near —

Next? Love and God — we can’t wait!”

But N = 8, sad to say,
Virtually faded away

Now he “strings” us along
With a “super” new song

And physics still carries the day

We watched as he hit hyperdrive
We watched the next marvel arrive

A brilliant new theory
With a name odd but cheery —

The theory called Flipped SU5

With the flair of a champ on a long horse
He joined electro-weak with the strong force

It was just what was needed —
The theory succeeded

Where others had taken the wrong course

With his field theoretic perspective
Dr. J is a brilliant detective

Seeking knowledge that’s valid, he
Opens reality —

Subjective as well as objective

Through Himalayan mathematics he roams
A blonde and quantized Sherlock Holmes

A superstring sleuth
Of Absolute Truth —

And he tastes it right here in the Domes

§ § §

Consider the words that he uses
With surely no wish to confuse us

Words so confounding
So serpentine-sounding. . . .

Does he jest? Does he hope to amuse us?

Try “supercompactification” —
Now there’s a linguistic creation:

What kind of medics
Treat inflationary phonetics?

We’re feeling a dizzy sensation

“Superconformal invariation. . .”
“Free-fermionic formulation. . .”

Such verbal athletics
Stomp on aesthetics —

But check out his fine intonation

“Renormalizable supersymmetric Yang-Mills gauge theory. . .”
Ears hear — but the mind’s growing weary

“Worldsheet topologies. . .”
“Gravitational anomolies. . .” —

Now even the ears become leery

“Minkowski space. . .” “Kähler potential. . .”
“Gauge-covariant chiral superfield differential. . .”

“Legendre transformations. . .”
“Topological fluctuations. . .”

His voice is downright reverential

Though conservative, he’s hardly strait-laced
He’s always been known for great taste

But what’s unbelievable
In fact, inconceivable,

Is he says all these phrases straight-faced!

Some days, we feel lucky, God knows
Just to tell fingers from toes

So how, with this fact,
Are we supposed to react

When forced to tell fermi from bose?

Dr. J we all certainly thank
For helping us jump off the Planck

We’ve taken a leap
Out into the deep

With the prayer he’s not playing a prank

But wait! We’re asymptotically free!
Nonperturbative, gravitationally —

Enjoying the essence
Of continuous effervescence

And time-translational invariance — wheeeeeee?

Now we’re completely at home
In the realm of space-time super-foam.

What makes it such bliss?
We experience this

When we close our eyes here in the Dome

Though physics can lead to some straining
Dr. J has caused no complaining

These humanoid terms
Spark no audience squirms

For his humor is so entertaining

By explaining these terms, he has tamed them
And he’s gone beyond that — he’s renamed them

The new nomenclature?
The language of nature —

They belong to the Self — he’s reclaimed them

Thank heaven for this man who can think
Whose brain’s, so to speak, in the pink

Our physics high priest —
He’s a genius at least

A human supersymmetric link

§ § §

A question now, one I can’t save
A hard one — get focused — be brave:

This great Dr. J
That you see here today —

Is he a particle or wave?

If Heisenberg were here and could speak
His answer might be rather bleak:

“You guys are hurtin’,”
He’d say — “It’s uncertain —

You won’t find the answer you seek!”

And sadly, friends, such is the case —
Do you think this is really his face?

On one level, yes —
But the truth, we confess:

He resides beyond time, beyond space

This likable, lovable yokel
May well appear visible, vocal —

It’s purely illusion
A source of confusion —

In fact, he’s completely nonlocal

To confirm your collective suspicion
He has an uncommon condition:

A logic atrocity —
But if we know his velocity

We can’t specify his position

We only can speak, it is clear,
Of the probability that he is here

He might also be
In downtown DC —

Or on Alpha Centauri, we fear

He’s one of those rarest of chaps
Whose wave function will not collapse

He’s certainly treasured
But he’s never been measured —

Forget all your yardsticks and maps

Like some particles, Dr. J’s charmed
Charm flows from the field he’s farmed

The field of pure bliss
Is totally his —

From within he’s illumined and warmed

His humor comes quick as a wink
The nicknames he gives make you blink

Whence comes such wit?
From what manner of chit?

From some parallel universe, we think

§ § §

In the spring of the year ’92
Dr. J looked for something to do

Hale and hearty,
He said, “Hey, let’s party!”

And oh, what a party he threw

The Natural Law Party, of course
Dr. J was the shining white horse

From somewhere bells pealed
As he charged on the field

His speech filled with brilliance and force

Dr. J was as bright as could be
None were as glowing as he

He offered solutions
Concrete contributions —

And he really looked great on TV

With enormous vitality, verve
Dr. J dearly wanted to serve

When the vote was returned
It was then that we learned

That the country first had to deserve

It‘s clear that, despite his young age,
Dr. J. is a seer, a sage

An American rishi —
And all of us wish he

Could preside on that national stage

§ § §

The ballots had barely been counted
When another huge project was mounted

A national demonstration —
Who watched? The whole nation —

Led by the Institute he’d founded

In June and July ’93
He called us all out to DC —

“Let’s have a good time,
Help reduce crime,

Make our government all it can be.”

Our coherence was put on display
At the center was dear Dr. J

Informing, inspiring
Unflagging, untiring —

Making history with him was pure play

§ § §

Consider the role that he’s played,
The contributions this one man has made

In knowledge alone
His genius has shown

Illuminating the structure of Ved

Through mathematics, he’s clearly revealed
That the Ved is the unified field

Their structures match nicely,
Exactly, precisely —

Their identity’s totally sealed

He’s forging the profoundest alliance
Between modern and ancient Vedic science

It’s clear beyond clear
That the man sitting here

Is one of history’s giants

His collection of prizes will swell
How big? It’s too early to tell —

Like the Kilby Award
He’s already scored —

And we hope one or more from Nobel

§ § §

A pianist of local repute
A fine downhill skier to boot

Quite accomplished is he
At watching TV

And his overhead smash is a beaut

On top of it all, he can sing —
The Lord hasn’t spared him a thing

He’ll seem to be serious
Then suddenly, here he is —

A choirboy again, taking wing

And an audiophile, quite keen —
One day at his CD machine —

He lifted the hood
As you’d guess that he would

To see what was there to be seen

And being the curious kind —
What did Dr. J find?

History records
His now-famous words:

“This was made by a disorderly mind!”

He vowed to create something new
Which he did — a whole company, too

The grunge and the grit
Disappeared, every bit —

The sound was authentic and true

Enlightened Audio Design —
The audio reviews were so fine

What charm he is under?
We only can wonder

At the breadth and the depth of his mind

§ § §

HAGELIN — his name’s gaining fame
But what message is concealed in his name?

Switch the letters about —
What word comes out

With the letters remaining the same?

The answer is rather revealing,
Reaching past the fine level of feeling:

With rearranged letters
The message unfetters:

That hidden word turns out to be: HEALING

He’s an instrument of unification
Both in knowledge and in our whole nation:

By enlivening unity
In our global community

He fulfills the whole aim of creation

What is it we love in this man?
His indomitable sense of “I can”?

His brilliance of mind?
His heart, so refined?

His unique savoir-faire? His élan?

Yes, all of these things we adore —
All of these things — and much more:

We love that pure light
Shining through him so bright —

We love that bright lamp at his door

Consider his countless abilities
His talents, his skills, his agilities

His many successes —
Who better expresses

The field of all possibilities?

His great gifts — just look where he’s based them,
In whose supreme service he’s placed them —

With profoundest devotion
Dedication in motion

He’s given his gifts — and he’s graced them

And now he completes Decade Seven
May his life be on earth as in heaven

Dr. J’s in his prime —
He’s the man for our time —

His engines are totally revvin’

For the knowledge and bliss he creates
May he zoom to the highest of states

We’re thrilled he’s here
So brilliant, so clear —

Dr. J is the great among greats

Hagelin unifies forces

FAIRFIELD, IOWA — (UP) — Professor John Hagelin, Chairman of the Physics Department at Maharishi International University, shook the physics world for the second time this month with his announcement today that he had achieved an even greater level of unification than scientists had thought possible.

This stunning announcement came literally on the heels of his discovery earlier this month of two additional quarks, bringing the total number of quarks to eight. Hagelin predicted confidently at that time that no more would be found.

Hagelin made his findings public at the press conference, attended not only by scores of members of the national and international press but also by thousands of his fans.

In a rare departure from the high energy language of theoretical physics, Hagelin declaimed:

“Chill the Catawba, then pop off the corks —

For I have discovered the other two quarks.”

This brief foray into the literary arts by the noted quantum physicist was immediately dubbed a “supermulticouplet.”

New unified field theory

Hagelin’s discovery of the two elusive quarks would be considered the capstone of a career by most scientists. It thus came as no small surprise when, not a month later, Hagelin announced his new unified field theory.

It began when Hagelin unified the gravitational force with the Air Force. Searching for a term more exalted than “Grand Unification” to describe his findings, he came up with “Awesome Unification.” Working further, Hagelin in short order produced equations showing the unification between all four fundamental forces of nature (the strong force, the weak force, and electromagnetic force, and the gravitational force) and all four Armed Forces (the Air Force, the Army, the Navy, and the Marines). To this theory he bestowed the name “Totally Awesome Unification.”

Asked to comment on the significance of his findings, Hagelin said, “My work would not have been possible without the help of all the local gauge-invariant operators generated by non-perturbative quantum gravitational effects at the Planck scale.”

Congratulations from around the world

Praise came showering onto the young scientist from around the globe. The Jefferson County Highway Patrol awarded him an honorary silver badge, inscribed with the words “Jefferson County Natural Law Enforcement Officer.”

From Yellowstone National Park, Smokey the Bear sent the message, “Only you can prevent force fires,” and announced that he had made Hagelin an honorary Force Ranger.

From France, the home of the Lagrangian, the Three Musketeers announced that they had made Hagelin an honorary Musketeer and had sent him a plaque inscribed with their legendary slogan, “All force one and one force all.”

From Gettysburg, Pennsylvania came a key to the city inscribed with the words, “Force core and seven years ago. . . .”

From A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far Away, Obi Wan Kenobi sent the following message: “May the four fundamental forces of nature be with you.”

The town fathers of the capital city of The Netherlands were rumored to be considering changing the name of their city to “The Hagelin.”

A New York City publishing firm announced plans to have a biography of the youthful scientist in the supermarkets by week’s end. The book is tentatively entitled John Hagelin: A Hagiography. (Religious historians are reportedly thrilled with the revival of this word.)

And news writers were already referring to Hagelin and his three colleagues — Weinless, Golner, and Deans — as the “Four Forcemen of the Apocalypse.”

Special award

But none of these awards held the prestige of that bestowed by the World Government of the Age of Enlightenment, which announced that it had conferred upon Dr. Hagelin its coveted “Capture the Force” award.

Hagelin was clearly moved by this latter award. In a rare display of emotion, fighting back tears, he said, “The transitional invariance of the Lagrangian density is also expressed by the graviton, which is the gauge field of an infinite range force.”

Hagelin added, “The non-Abelian property of the vector fields upholding local SO(8) symmetry is present in the entire supermultiplet, which becomes asymptotically free at the Planck scale.”

Even before he had finished the sentence, Hagelin’s thousands of supporters began cheering. “Asymptotically free at the Planck scale! Asymptotically free at the Planck scale!” they chanted, over and over, stopping only when he raised his arms to indicate he had more to say.

How, Hagelin was asked by a reporter, did he manage to accomplish such a staggering achievement with such a busy schedule of meditating, teaching, and supervising Purusha helpers? How did he set his priorities?

Hagelin’s reply was characteristically brief and to the point. He said, “Highest force.”