DR. TOWER AND BESS

He’s seen every dental affliction
Each bad habit, each sad dereliction

Dentists today
Truly can say

That tooth is stranger than fiction

He’s witnessed the gnashers, the gnawers,
The unabashed chewers and chawers
The graters, the grinders
The bite-from-behinders
The bottle cap pryers
The teeth-used-as pliers
The teeth-strafing shockers and awers

He abides no excuse, no defenses
With Tower, we drop all pretenses

He’s not in a hurry —
He’s judge and he’s jury

With him it’s tooth and consequences

You arrive — with Bess there to meet you
With the winningest smile she will greet you

Each day, true to form,
She is welcoming, warm —

Pure friendliness there to sweet-treat you

And then Dr. Tower walks in
He gives you the toothiest grin

Is he subtly boasting
(Those perfect teeth hosting)

That he’s never committed a sin?

“Good morning,” he’ll cheerfully say
“Come right in . . . how is your day?”

The day, to be frank,
May have started to tank —

We wish we could just run away

We lie there, mouths all agape
We feel as he’ll scratch and he’ll scrape

God knows what he’s spotting
What plans he is plotting —

We abandon all hope of escape

You’re wishing and hoping he’ll say:
“No cavities — have a great day”

You’d leave there reprieved
And feeling relieved —

You’d thank lucky stars all the way

But sometimes you run out of luck
Deflating your spunk and your pluck

Alas and alack
You’ll need to come back —

No way around it — you’re stuck

He speaks with a measure of gravity
When announcing you have a new cavity

There’s no use denying —
No sense even trying —

You’re guilt of dental depravity

Your brushing? It’s clearly deficient
Your flossing? Just not proficient

Too many sweets,
Between-brushing treats —

You blew it — you’re quite insufficient

Is there anything quite so fulfilling
As when Dr. Tower is . . . drilling?

Anything so thrilling
Satisfaction instilling

As the installation of a new filling?

You bet there is — nothing at all!
A quick escape right down the hall

And if you’d been good —
Flossed as you should —

You’d be leaving there still standing tall

He drills — is he digging a canyon?
A hole he can put his whole hand in?

The drill bit is screaming
Tooth dust is streaming —

Is he about pour concrete and sand in?

He wraps it up — mostly quite painless
You dust yourself off — mostly stainless

It wasn’t so bad —
There are worse fates to be had —

Though you know that you’re not exactly blameless

Would he rather be skiing in Jackson?
He loves skiing — but gets satisfaction

From the work that he loves
In white mask and gloves —

You could say he displays drill in action

This tooler and tailor of tooth
Ever cordial and never uncouth —

It’s easy to see —
It’s clear as can be —

He’s discovered some fountain of youth

Along with his wife, our dear Bess
Whose bliss has the power to bless

And Cindy and Shanaz
And Lisa — to be honest:

He’s attracted the best of the best

With Bess he’s now spent fifty years
We send up our Fairfield cheers

We wish many more
To this pair we adore —

Our smiles extend ears to ears

He’s our Tower of Power — Dr. J
Serving us day after day
If tooth should be told
He’s a man of pure gold —
He’s tooth — justice — and the American way

Happy Birthday, Dr. Tower!
March 5, 2012

Happy Birthday, John & Bess!
November 17, 2015

He has seen plaque a foot thick
Plaque that’s as solid as brick

He’s wanted to clamber
For the nearest jackhammer —

Carve his initials there, quick