BARB
Her handle is Barb, and she’s wired
She stands here before us, inspired
Limber and light
Brimming and bright —
She never appears to be tired
She balances protein and carb
She regales in glorious garb
We’re talking, of course,
Of that Fairfield force,
That energy source we call Barb
She guides our salutes to the sun
Eyes watchful on every last one
“Shin perpendicular!” —
Barb is particular —
We do as they’re meant to be done
We come in assorted conditions
She takes us through Yoga positions
From the bridge to the tree
We’re stretched as can be
She kindles our fitness ambitions
She’ll stand up in front, there before us
We’ll adore her, and she will adore us
She gets us all moving,
Our bodies improving —
We are her choir and chorus
She takes us through warm-ups and preps
Then up and down, up and down steps
The tubes then get fetched
And stretched, stretched, and stretched —
We lose track of the number of reps
Watch her now, ready and willin’
Moving in time to Bob Dylan
In tank tops and tights
We soar to such heights
Fitness is downright fulfilling
She’s flying now, nothing beneath her
She sails on the songs of Aretha
Kickboxing and kegels
Melt our cream cheese and bagels —
Now we all pause for a breather
She’s getting our bodies in tone
Building up muscles and bone
Building our biceps
Toning our triceps
And zooming along in the Zone
Pumping pure bliss through our bodies
She’s powered us up to Pilates
Making each gluteous
Breathtakingly beauteous —
We’re living and breathing Samadhi
She’s Fairfield’s Pharaoh of Fit
Keeping buff, she is doing her bit
Heavy perspiring?
With Barb it’s inspiring —
Barb McLaughlin is totally IT
There’s more of her story to tell . . .
She’s a pure knowledge teacher as well
She can whisper infinity
Divulge your divinity —
Where else does this lady excel?
One man calls her “My Girl” — that’s Ted
The former “Books” financial head
He hired her to train
Then asked to remain —
And shortly thereafter they wed
Say Barb and you have to say Ted —
They go heart to heart, head to head
A classic, this couple
Subtle and supple —
Their fame is quite rightly widespread
Barb doesn’t live by the letter
She lives — and she’s a go-getter
One word leaves no doubt
What I’m talking about:
Chocolate — the more cocoa the better
Barb is a fountain of youth
She speaks sweetly, but always the truth
She’s highly refined
In her heart and her mind
She’s never unkind or uncouth
Barb McLaughlin is not only pretty
She’s warm, also wise, also witty
People feel drawn to her
To the beauty and brawn in her —
She possesses the friendliness sidhi
With Barb, the bliss comes in bubbles,
Dissolving your trials and troubles
Her friends are agreeing:
Their sense of well being
In the presence of Barb — it just doubles
One of the best of her gifts
Is that she upholds and uplifts
Her presence is nourishing,
Leaving you flourishing,
Healed of all fissures and rifts
She’s an artist (she doesn’t look back)
Painting elephants reveals her knack
A lady of talents,
Of beauty and balance,
She’s poised on the peak of the pack
So praises to Barbara McLaughlin
Ring bells from the Falklands to Aukland
From her head to her toes
She grins and she glows —
Truly she’s walklin’ her talklin’
May your praises be playfully sung
In places nearby and far flung
Sleek, svelte, and sporty
No older than forty —
May you forever be young
There’s nowhere a lady like you, Barb
May bliss flow in all that you do, Barb
Divine inner light
By day and by night —
With never a day that you rue, Barb
To Barb we have offered our abs
In hopes she’ll transform them to slabs
Of rippling strength,
The full width and the length —
Weekly we’re each keeping tabs
To Barb we have offered our thighs
Sometimes with audible sighs
We see — we are sure
That with workouts with her
They evolve to the right shape and size
To Barb we have offered our hearts
All cardiovascular parts
As we work and we witness
Our fabulous fitness —
Barb’s number one on our charts
Happy Birthday, Barb!
October 25, 2003, expanded 2005 and 2017
