John Halberstadt

We’ll go straight to the heart of the matter
And say that we couldn’t be gladder
To count as our friend
And our thanks to extend
To the wonderful John Halberstadter

He’s living in Cambridge, MA
And there he writes verse every day
Humorous verses —
Numerous verses —
He’ll read to his friends when he may

His topics are varied, diverse
Ranging from turgid to terse
Poems about mohels*
Are among his bestowals —
He goes from the bad to the verse

And John is one of those blokes —
A connoisseur and collector of jokes
John’s jocularity
Procures popularity
As he shares them with all sorts of folks

John is a humor curator —
A trafficker, trucker, and trader
You want a great laugher?
He’s a wheat-from-the-chaffer
A jokester, that John Halberstater

Did he tell ya that one? — it’s a hoot!
With jokes, the point’s never moot —
They’re lifters to laughter —
To a smile-and-a-halfter —
A jester, that John Halberstoodt

His jokes are always elaters
First prizers, first classers, first raters —
Keep ’em coming, dear John
Anon and anon —
The risible John Halberstaters

To achieving his goals he’s committed
He’s cunning, creative, quick-witted
Applying to college
John had the knowledge
To get what he wanted — and did it

He wanted a higher degree —
The highest of high — PhD
His thinking was clinical:
Only this pinnacle
Would count as the pure pedigree

And John had his sights set on Yale
And therein, my friends, lies a tale —
A tale so thrilling —
In the end so fulfilling —
Ask him for every detail

He felt a deep calling to teach —
Psychology, English, and speech —
His life, academic,
Was truly alchemic —
“Share your tales, John!” we beseech

A slight academic dispute
Earned him some slight disrepute
He suffered no fools
In breaking some rules,
To which we say: John, pretty cute

Now John’s an original writer —
He retreats from the tired, the triter
His goal: to rejoice
In his singular voice —
The original John Halberstiter

So John, who’s your own favorite writer?
Thomas Wolfe, he will say, growing brighter —
The American novelist
Is first on his grovel list —
Man of letters, John Halberstiter

He counters the world’s insanity
Its vanity and its inanity
In the slyest of ways —
His phone machine says:
“Halberstadt for Humanity!”

Now John is not a jet setter
But goes the jet setters one better
His path’s the uncommon one
His path is the Brahman one —
This is our John Halberstedter

“Look Homeward, Angel,” he’ll say —
And that’s been his passion each day
Sailing the tide
Of the silence inside —
It’s enlightenment, anchors aweigh

He is That, we are That, all this is That —
Turn your gazes and praises to John Halberstadt

* A mohel is a person who performs the Jewish rite of circumcision.